For as long as I’ve been researching anomalous studies, it has been easy to separate myself emotionally from cases and investigations. This has been especially useful when it comes to working residential cases and I’ve found myself in the midst of a grieving family who are desperate for some sort of sign from their deceased loved one. They became so desperate that they would misinterpret any photo anomaly for something paranormal. A smudge would have the face of a person, and a reflection of light would turn into a sign from beyond the grave. Because last recent death of a family member had happened in 2000, I was fairly desensitized to the emotional aspect. Of course, I always remained objective and wondered how in the world people could reach that state where anything was interpreted as a sign from a passed loved one.
That is until my mother died.
My mother’s passing was very sudden and unexpected. She died on a Friday and the last time I talked to her was the Wednesday before. It was a normal conversation even though she just had surgery and it was a success. She was even recovering at home because she did so well. Therefore, there were a lot of words unspoken, apologies never made, and I’ve been left with nothing but wondering what happened. In the midst of my grief, I wanted answers. I didn’t know where to find them since I wasn’t finding them from the doctors or the coroners. I honestly didn’t know where to turn. Because I was a paranormal investigator, people flooded my inbox saying that I was in the perfect position to accept a message from beyond because I knew what to look for.
Honestly? That’s not really true. I wasn’t sure of what to look for. I knew how to debunk evidence, but the paranormal experiences I’ve had weren’t even confirmed to be a ghost, only left unexplained. While I was desperate for a sign from my mother that she was okay, I had to keep my head on my shoulders. I couldn’t fall into the same trap that I judged so many others for. Basically, my mother would have to walk in as a full body apparition juggling plates before I took a moment to believe that what I was seeing was real.
I’ve also had numerous psychics contact me, telling me what to look for as a sign from my mom. In all honesty, the signs are all explainable and logical. It can be rather disheartening, and all I have in the end is faith to depend on. A few days after my mother died, I went to her home and spent some time alone. I screamed, I cried, and had some weird things happen that can probably be explained. But in the moment, I was sure that my mother was trying to communicate with me. Was I right? I don’t think so.
If you’re in the midst of grieving a lost loved one, regardless of how long ago they have passed, and you’re wanting to use the “sign” from your loved one as proof of the afterlife; I encourage you to keep a level head when it comes to looking for “that sign.” It can be easy to misinterpret the simplest things as a message from that person. But in the end, maybe these signs aren’t meant to be publicized, but instead, used as private moments to assure you that things will be okay. I think this is also the source of a lot of drama and hurt feelings in the paranormal field because there is a strong emotional connection to the evidence. Most people will feel uncomfortable reviewing those pieces of evidence because it can be hard to remain objective while still remaining respectful to the grieving person. Personally, it is not worth subjecting myself to that. I also have to have faith that my mother knew me well enough to know what I’m looking for, and when that sign comes, it will be a private moment between a mother and daughter. I’m anxiously awaiting while debunking every day, because I don’t want to focus so much on the wrong sign when everything I could be looking for is right around the corner.
So, what does this mean for me? It means that like Houdini, I’m desperately waiting for a sign from my mother. The reason that I’ve been involved in paranormal research for so long was to find proof of the afterlife because I feared death. But now, I want proof of the afterlife because I want to know that my mother is okay.